🔗 Share this article

Facing rejection, particularly when it happens repeatedly, is far from pleasant. A publisher is saying no, delivering a clear “Nope.” Working in writing, I am familiar with setbacks. I started submitting articles half a century past, right after completing my studies. Since then, I have had multiple books turned down, along with book ideas and numerous short stories. During the recent score of years, specializing in personal essays, the denials have only increased. On average, I receive a rejection frequently—amounting to in excess of 100 annually. Cumulatively, rejections throughout my life run into thousands. Today, I could have a master’s in handling no’s.

However, is this a complaining tirade? Absolutely not. Because, now, at the age of 73, I have embraced being turned down.

How Did I Achieve It?

Some context: Now, just about every person and their relatives has said no. I’ve never kept score my acceptance statistics—that would be quite demoralizing.

A case in point: lately, an editor nixed 20 articles in a row before approving one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 publishing houses declined my book idea before someone accepted it. A few years later, 25 representatives passed on a book pitch. An editor requested that I send my work less often.

The Steps of Setback

When I was younger, every no hurt. I took them personally. It seemed like my work was being turned down, but me as a person.

No sooner a submission was rejected, I would start the process of setback:

• First, surprise. How could this happen? Why would editors be blind to my skill?
• Next, denial. Certainly they rejected the mistake? This must be an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do they know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my work? It’s nonsense and the magazine stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, irritation at the rejecters, followed by frustration with me. Why would I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, bargaining (often mixed with optimism). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, despair. I’m no good. Worse, I’ll never be accomplished.

This continued through my 30s, 40s and 50s.

Excellent Company

Of course, I was in good company. Tales of writers whose work was originally declined are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Almost every renowned author was first rejected. Since they did persevere, then possibly I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his youth squad. Many Presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in races. The filmmaker estimates that his Rocky screenplay and desire to appear were declined repeatedly. “I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle to motivate me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he stated.

The Final Phase

As time passed, upon arriving at my 60s and 70s, I reached the final phase of rejection. Understanding. Now, I better understand the various causes why an editor says no. For starters, an reviewer may have already featured a similar piece, or have one underway, or simply be considering something along the same lines for a different writer.

Or, unfortunately, my pitch is of limited interest. Or the evaluator feels I lack the credentials or stature to succeed. Or isn’t in the market for the content I am peddling. Maybe was busy and scanned my piece hastily to see its abundant merits.

You can call it an awakening. Everything can be declined, and for whatever cause, and there is virtually little you can do about it. Many reasons for denial are always not up to you.

Manageable Factors

Others are under your control. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and appeal, or the point I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my writing style, particularly semicolons, was unacceptable.

The key is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve authored several titles—my first when I was middle-aged, the next, a autobiography, at 65—and over numerous essays. These works have appeared in magazines major and minor, in regional, worldwide platforms. My first op-ed was published when I was 26—and I have now contributed to that publication for 50 years.

Yet, no bestsellers, no book signings at major stores, no spots on popular shows, no speeches, no prizes, no big awards, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can more readily accept rejection at this stage, because my, small achievements have softened the jolts of my setbacks. I can afford to be reflective about it all now.

Educational Setbacks

Setback can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s attempting to show. Otherwise, you will probably just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. What teachings have I gained?

{Here’s my advice|My recommendations|What